| bad day/ bad day /bad day |
[Jul. 25th, 2006|03:04 pm] |
omg worst day ive had in bout 2 weeks
i thought i needed time away from the group but i think i was wrong
i spent pretty much all of saturday with just jay it was good just having one person to talk to and confide in, we talked bout how we felt and bout the group in general not anyone in particular all of us
im not angry at anyone
and i havent been for ages even though clair n i had a fight and even thought everyone made mine n cindy's issues into a fight
i was never angry or pissed off at either of them
the last person i was angry at was michael
and i was more upset n everyone knows that
i want u all to know if i have a problem with u i will come to u
because one thing that has started to piss me off is not being able to resolve issues with that one person in the group without everyone else being involved
its just hard cause everyone wants to know n be involved n then they either do or feel like they have to take sides
i miss ange
i tried to talk to her a bit today but i was really busy
cant wait to get the net at home i can talk to everyone all the time
i hate missing out on your night time chats
i do get all jealouus but who wouldnt we r awesome!!
work is going so good thats the main thing that has lifted my spirits
i feel like im getting somewhere and i feel like i really will start to get things n do things in life i wanna do
im saving for tokyo i will get there i mean it
and then new york and LA
there the only places i wanna go n i plan to after i finish all the courses i wanna do
anyways back to my bad bad day
last 2 days i havent been able to stop thinking bout justin
when im round my friends it takes my mind off him
especially when we r out not a trace of him enters my mind
i tidied up my room n every c.d and every photo album had reminders of him in it
i was gonna burn all things that remind me of him but i couldnt
he is a memory and memories last forever
and i do want him to be apart of me forever
just not as much as he is atm...
im still getting over him
the scary thing is he is the reason i got over mark
n now that im fully over mark im hooked on him
im worried that i need someone else to be hooked on before i get over justin
i know it sounds odd but i need to see him at least once every 2 weeks to keep trying to get over him
i dont know it reminds me of how much of a cunt he is and how ugly he is
i havent seen him in 2 weeks so this could be another reason i am suddenly thinking bout him
i nearly msged him last night
cause mark msged me and i had deleted his number
and i dont know everything in front of me last night happened to remind me of justin
grrr i dont know wat im going on about im just in a mood
and having a bad day but doesnt everyone
luv u all guys
xx |
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| ange |
[Jul. 22nd, 2006|03:50 pm] |
ange is my best friend n i fucking lover her more than anyone on this earth
everyone has probably bitched and said im being a bad friend and super selfish
but remember if u have or try n imagine loosing a best friend or not having them as close as u would want or wished
i have told u all that u all have ur closest best friends and i am the only one who doesnt
it sucks it fucking sucks
as soon as i found out ange was coming home i made myself distant from the group
so i didnt hurt ange so i could make her feel included and welcome
and so i could just naturally become closest to her again
i stick up for her all the time n was looking forward to her coming home the most
when i found out she was staying i was soooo upset i still am
i just want everyone to know how hard it is
if your not around us for an hour u miss out
i hate talking or telling ange how much fun we have cause if i was her i would be jealous n upset
its just she is missing out on sooo much n it upsets me just as much as it does her
n everyone who becomes friends with me i want ange to know them
it feels like im living a life ange knows nothing about
we talk all the time but its not the same
and as a reply to ange's entry i fucking love justin soooooo much ok and jay asked me this would i choose him over u and bout a month ago i said yesss
but this group has shown me how special friendship is and how much u need it all i can say is ur lucky that u have us and that we stilll love u no matter wat never take it for granted
i would never push my friends away for a guy
not that im saying u have im just saying no i wouldnt ok
i love u i do and i hope u do come back
cause u know how u said u cant have a long distance relationship with jamie well its hard for a friendship too
i just want u to understand where im coming from cause i have understood where u are coming from!!
best friends forever as hurt as i am u know i support and have always stuck by u
MUCH LOVE
xx |
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| thursday night |
[Jul. 22nd, 2006|03:36 pm] |
LATE NIGHT!! PAY DAY!!! BEST DAY OF THE WEEK!!!
i always wanna go to the plaza for my thursday night dinner fix...hilary joes rocks my socks
but then i cant be fucked walking round and looking in every shop even when i have monies
but it such a social event that i hate missing out on i see ppl late night on a thursday night that i cant see anywhwere else its awesome!!
besides we make it fun weather it's paying out all the homigemo's or yelling out to every person on the street through moobar on our way home!!
it was soooo good thursday tho cause i wasnt driving u enjoy it alot more not driving...
hungry jacks was soooo wet it was awesome
the plaza want all that exciting the only thing we realised was every shop we go to or every time we wait for one of us to finish in a shop we huddle
wat can i say told u we r all close
best ride home it was sooo exciting
we met a guy who was drunk n split his head open it was awesome
ryan n josh u guys rock my socks
we got there numbers
they took photos of us driving
and i asked them if i can ride in their car and told them to fuck my mouth
they laughed...bahahah
im in the weirdest mood right now so this probably is sooo random or not making sense
anyways skip all the rest of random shit i ended up at bud tav for the first time
i didnt have to drive i got maggott
n i went with a new group of friends but i still had my one an only security blanket clair bear!!!
we were sooo maggoott i luv clair when she is like that
we danced we fell over i saw heaps of girls from tafe and my fashion classes
i miss it sooo much
so much stuff happened but clair has written all bout that
all i know is i hooked up n i am statring to feel like im getting over justin
but i can only work lil steps at a time
but i will get there!!
i felt like it was just me n him in the world it felt so good to be touched and have that guy attention n comfort its been a while
clair hooked up with his best friend
anyways i though it closed at 3 he just started buying me drinks and it just turned 2 and it was closing
i got his number he told me to go to tonic but i dont member his name or wat he looks like
anyways kathy was fucked n i got in the car with her
she snorted a pill and had been stoned since 9 that morning
at first i was scared but i live life on the edge nothing really scares me anymore except getting hurt and ppl betraying my trust
i cant member the ride home all i know is i was at kathy's and clair wasnt with me
i got mega stoned it was the best session ever
bathrooms n pot the best combo ever
i had 5 cones n i spewed everywhere
but member i was maggott
my eyes were sooo blood shot and i would try to have D&M's with kathy then forget wat i was talking bout bahahaha wish u guys were there |
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| wednesday night |
[Jul. 22nd, 2006|03:09 pm] |
omg this has been one of the best weeks of my life
i have fully started to feel completely in control of myself n my life
n i have finally started to find out who i am n feel comfortable with myself
as u all know we dropped tuesday night it was awesome but i had to work wednesday i thought i was gonna have a bad comedown but i was wrong
i was in the best mood at work i loved cleaning n time flew
i was also working with erin best chick ever
we are going to bud tav together next thurs and another good thing about her is she is into drugs!!! we agreed to drop together some time
jeff fully called me at work....n said she had a sexy voice it was sooo weird but sooo awesome.
i love it when my friends visit me at work or call or i get msg's makes me feel like im missed n that the group really isnt the same without me...
anyways jeff called me at work to tell me i was getting drunk at clairs
it was sooo awesome cause erin had just told me she was getting drunk n going to zone 3 and we both had to do the early shift together in the morning so we would be tired n hungover together!!!
anyways after work i had to go to johns bday bbq....grrr but it was actually pretty fun!
as much as i wanted to be with my friends i knew jay couldnt come cause she had to work and i was actually having fun with my family its sooo cool cause jay n leah are like family now!!
anyways i took my sister j and leah and we went to clairs for an hour
the plan was to attack jeff and michael for the bashing we copped that morning
but it pretty much didnt happen :(
anyways i dropped them all home then went to get grog!
NO PASSION POP...:(....DEVO!!
so i bought some dirty $3.95 ASTI
never again!
we went back to clairs n clair n i had a fight i hated it
i hate fighting with clair
but it was a big misunderstanding n clair was drunk
we ended up leaving clairs casue i had to work early n wanted a bed n so did everyone else
n i didnt want to fight with clair anymore
i felt soooo bad leaving especially clair cause she was drunk n emotional
but as soon as i got to michaels i wrote her a story explaining n apologiosing on msn
and 20mins later i had a mammoth comment from her on myspace it was soooo awesome i loved it
anyways we started drinking at micheals it was really good to just be with a group of 4 for a change a smaller group here n there is good
michael was soooo maggottt
cindy was getting there slowly
jeff didnt wanna drink anymore
and the fucking asti was soooo strong it gave me a headache i felt sleepy and half a bottle made me tipsy :(
the 4 of us had a really good talk tho about everyone and our group and where everyone stands
michael even confessed to saying earlier that day he liked the group just as 5 instead of 6 without me
i was soooo offended i felt like crying i still am pretty upset that he said it
but the main thing is he doesnt feel that way anymore i dont know wat i did but somehow i got myself back into michaels good books or whatever
anyways it got to like 2:00 and cindy n i had to work so we all decided to head to bed n pass out
but cindy n i werent happy without the blue doona
so we wrestled n wrestled michael or bout half an hour then all of a sudden we were all passed out in michaels bed spooning
n spike made the funniest fucking noise ive ever heard (HIGHLIGHT OF THE NIGHT)
anyways i dont member much more all i know is i woke up with the worst hangover n sooooo fucking tired but knowing erin was hungover too made work sooo much more bareable.. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 19th, 2006|11:52 am] |
i have soooo much love for all my close peeps right now
i dont wanna go to work as much as i luv working it keeps me occupied i dont wanna miss out on one minute of groupie luv
our group is really special we luv each other sooo much
n i think we have taken friendship to a whole new level and everyone else should be jealous
i would luv to make this group bigger but i must admit it is awesome having an even number
and its also awesome having the group sectioned into best friends
there is jay n clair who i luv sooo much in the whole world two girls who just deserve the best in life n really will go far
then michael and jeff u guys bring the sarcasim and weird twist to our group which i love n i love when u guys are on pills n show each other how much u really care n how much u really are best friends
then there is me n cindy, we were kinda just the other ones. we arent best friends but yeass we are extremely close n i have a love for cindy like no one else in this world becasue we have more like a family bond then friendship
we fight and bond together more like sisters and that is an awesome thing for us both too have
i dont intentionally ever wanna hurt cindys feelings ever!!!
i know she was friends with aneg first n it may seem like ive taken her but its weird ange n i just have this personality connection n by her moving away that connection has not only become close but it has become more like this is my best friend and she will be forever through good times n bad.
i take best friends really seriously it is as if we are dating n i never wanna break up with u and most of all i really want this relationship to work
i have stated it many times that u guys are my life and my family
anyone who wants to be my friend or lover (one day sam one day)
u guys come with me this is the real deal
i really really just wanna thank u guys for being the people u are n none of u ever change
MUCH LOVE
xx |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 19th, 2006|10:17 am] |
so....never had such a rocking tuesday night as last night!! yea we dropped a few pills. like i said we are druggos!
69's the second best pill ive had by far
pretty sure i was high all night loves it.
but i can feel a bad comedown coming on yea thats right sooo watch out fellow fugitive flowers u know wat im like.
cant wait till the w/e cause thats right dropping a few more roundies n ur all jealous!!!
i really need someone new to do them with tho or atleast be round....i cant imagaine not having my close friends around but just the erge to talk frustrates me cause our group is all talked out n i pretty much just sit in silence alone n chill.
Its gonna be awesome cause as much as i feel a bad comedown coming on it will probably be impossible cause i am working tonight then going to a bday bbq then hanging out with the other mutts
then starting work at 8 - 2 tomorrow getting paid n going late night with fellow mutts
then friday hopefully not working pill gone out of system ready to start and drop all over again thats right woop woop
I would also just like to say in here that i love my friends sooo much n the best thing i got out of last nights drug session was actually realising how much they really do care bout me and are really trying to understand my life n help me...
thanks soooo much guys u r my life
friends forever
MUCH LOVE
xx |
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